Lost
by imsonotagirl93
Summary: Have you ever lost someone so important to you that it almost hurts physically when you remember them? Sirius remembering James when he died. One-shot! Review Please! :D


**I don't own anything :))**

**Okay, so I just thought of this while writing the last chapter of "How They Came To Be". If you haven't read that yet, then please do, I hope you find it interesting, it's a JP/LE story. And don't forget to review if you do read it.**

**Anyway, please review this one and this is my first time to write a Sirius fic, so please bear with me, it's Sirius' first day in Azkaban and his thoughts as he looked back to the memories of his best friend and that dreadful night.**

**-imsonotagirl93 ;)**

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_He's gone, gone forever and nothing, not even Dark Magic can bring him back to life_. He didn't know if it was the effects of the bloody dementors or the just effect of the guilt that was swallowing him because of his best friend's death that made him think of this thought.

His mind was in a daze, it felt like a dream, he _wanted_ it to be one, but the problem was, it wasn't a dream at all and he wouldn't wake up from this nightmare at all.

"_To the well organized mind, death is nothing but the next great adventure,"_ he quoted in his head. He heard Dumbledore say this statement once, when one of their classmate's parents died, during their seventh year, because of that bastard, _Voldemort_. _The next great adventure_, he repeated in his head, he was sure that Prongs would love that, they always did, the Marauders, they were always up for an adventure. The only difference now was, now, only Prongs would enter the next great adventure.

He couldn't believe it, he was so young, and he was only twenty-one, he only had his first child. His mind wandered to the time when they were thirteen, just starting their third year at Hogwarts, they promised that they would be bachelors forever, because for them, falling in love only means confusion and distraction from their trouble-making.

But Lily Evans came into the picture and their theory about falling in love proved it's point, but James didn't care about that at all, and soon, James' infatuation for her became more than that of a crush, soon, it grew into love. He wasn't successful at first, and at first, Sirius disapproved, because all it caused James was heartbreak, until he realized that that girl he's been pining over was a source of happiness for James, so he just supported him, his happiness, after all, was his happiness too.

He was glad that he approved of Lily Evans, because he could tell that she was made for James and she was loyal and kind too, if you really get to know her.

It still feels like there was an icy knife going through his chest when he thought back to that dreaded night, he thought that James was just playing jokes with him, but he couldn't kid himself at that time, because just by looking at the house, half of which was blown apart, he could tell that something really bad happened.

He tried to shake him awake, a small part of him hoping that he was just stunned or something, but he wouldn't and he was so cold in his arms, his once bright, mischievous, now, blank, empty, hazel eyes, staring at nothing at all, then he heard Harry cry from upstairs, so he rushed there hastily. He immediately remembered Lily; he dreaded that she, too, was dead. When the cry grew nearer and as he entered the room, his heart fell, there on the floor, just in front of the crib, was Lily Evans, her red hair strewn over her face, her once bright, gleaming, emerald eyes was the same as her husband, blank… empty…

His legs felt like lead, his two close friends were dead, and there was nothing that he could do about it.

He willed his feet to walk him to Harry's crib, who was still crying. His stomach lurched when he saw the resemblance from James and Lily's eyes in the baby's face. He scooped him up in his arms, feeling sorry for his godson. His parents were dead and he didn't even get the chance to know how great his parents were.

Tears had begun to sting his eyes and he blinked them back. He called for the Order and decided to take Harry away, but then, Hagrid showed up. He had said that he needed to take Harry; he didn't want to, Harry was the only remembrance of James he only has left. But Hagrid insisted that it was from Dumbledore's orders. In the end, he gave it to him, it was from Dumbledore's orders after all, he knew Harry will be safe. And then he didn't know why, but as soon as he let go of Harry, he lost his composure, maybe it's because, for him, it's a sign that he was alone, his best friend and best friend's wife is dead and a friend betrayed them. He gave the motorbike to Hagrid and immediately apparated to where Peter was, the desire to kill him becoming larger and larger.

It's ironic, isn't it? When they graduated from Hogwarts, the Marauders promised that they would stick together, no matter what, because they knew about the danger out there, in the real world, the danger that they have to face. And now, his best friend and his wife was dead because of the vermin, who they thought was their friend, hell, he was even blamed for it.

He bowed his head as tears began to fall freely down his face. How can faith be so cruel? He wondered how Harry will be, who would take care of him now? Because now, the person who was supposed to take care of him was believed to be a murderer, even the Order and Dumbledore believed that. He didn't even had the chance to tell James how much he means to him and how thankful he was for him and his family, because back then, he never really thought that this day would happen and he never really thought that a person, who was once their friend, would betray him. And Lily, he didn't even had the chance to thank her, for being so loyal and being there when Prongs or the others needed someone.

He was lost without his best friend and he doesn't know what to do without him. Damn, faith.


End file.
